Heteropessimism

I wanted to discuss a TikTok I saw made by @Nnebugho on TikTok (they have amazing self-reflective TikTok videos, by the way) about heteropessimism. It sparked up a feeling I had when I first read this word. The meaning is just what you think it is. But here’s the definition made by Asa Seresin: “a pervasive attitude of disappointment, embarrassment, or hopelessness regarding heterosexual relationships.” It made me think about a lot of heterosexual women that I’ve encountered throughout my life. Outside of relationships, they’re amazing, care about the world, focus on bettering themselves, independent in their thinking. But with men, it seems like they’re the opposite. Then I thought to myself maybe I’m limiting them and belittling them by saying that.

I’ve realised a lot of humans use whatever they can as survival. Whether that be proximity to whiteness, masking, being a pick-me. I’ve learned to see the nuance in humans. But what stuck out to me about that TikTok is this heteropessimism is somewhat dangerous. It is a fake allyship that is really people-pleasing. I want to expand on that. YOU CANNOT WANT LIBERATION IF YOU ONLY WANT IT WHEN YOU'RE SINGLE. I had to put that in capital letters because it disgusts me how some women only care about solidarity when they’re bored and single. When they need their friends as community because a man hasn’t chosen them. I get it; your wanting of being chosen dictates your political stance as a way of survival. As without having a man in your life, you can’t function financially in this capitalistic society. But a part of me doesn’t believe it at the same time. These same women are paying for everything, partaking in bodily servitude and emotional servitude, losing themselves in the process. The list goes on. Then that brings me back to the main point, which is heteropessimism. It’s like a sick cycle.

Nnebugho on TikTok