A Hyposexual’s dry dream
A queer person who discovers sex,body and addiction.
Yes, you read it correctly. Hyposexual. I rarely hear anyone talking about it. Unless it’s packaged up in purity culture and tied with a virgin bow. I’m not here to say I’m better than a hypersexual person or I don’t understand why people are hypersexual. Definitely not. As I believe hyposexual and hyper sexual are parallel with one another.
Just wanted to preface I don’t think I’m hyposexual anymore. But I do feel like it made up most of my life, and I've had my moments. It puts me in this weird place. I felt odd to be hyposexual. I admired those who were hypersexual. The ones who could undress without shame. The ones who freely talked about sex, as if it were food on the table. The ones who didn’t care. But I cared a lot, not because I was ashamed of others, but because I was ashamed of myself.
I couldn’t stand to look at my naked body. To explore my body. To even look at naked bodies online. Until I came across porn. Yes, I know porn rots your brains. It definetly did for me I had an addiction to it from the ages of 13-17. But it taught me a valid lesson. NO ONE CARES. Well at least the porn I came across with(the black amateur queer ones).Anyways, back to my hyposexualness.
When people discussed sex it made my skin crawl, not in a childish ‘ewwww’ way, but I couldn’t comprehend what was so good about it. Yet, I was fascinated and wanted to learn more about it, but not actually do it. I guess you could say I viewed it as a social experiment. I’d go home and watch porn for hours not to interact with it, but to study it. I saw human bodies as what it was. A body. I didn’t take in the intimate acts of sex.
The way people described sex was this feeling, this yearning of touch, two bodies coming together to essentially become one. That overwhelmed me. It didn’t interest me at all. And of course that stemmed from trauma. Ah yes, the T word. It’s soo interesting to see the natural path people can take after a traumatic experience.
I don’t think hyposexual and hypersexual people should be separated they should hold hands as one to navigate how society hates on them for their natural knee jerk reaction to how their bodies have been nonconsensually experienced. I hate that for us so much. Imagine that. You’ve gone through a traumatic experience and people saying your reaction to it is weird. It only gets weird and disgusting if you then do the nonconsensual things to others you once experienced.
I didn’t get involved in sex. Whilst people my age was talking about their experiences, I guess I was trying to function in the world. But I couldn’t help but to want to understand more about how bodies are viewed in the world. So I started watching stripper content. I decided porn was quiet repetitive and the main issue I had was loving my body. Watching stripper content taught me it’s not about how people viewed your body, it’s about your own autonomy with how you use your own body. The body is a temple doesn’t mean refrain from sex it means love your body enough to not care what other people think of it. I didn’t understand why people hated people who showed off their body. I thought it was really cool. I just didn’t have an interest in doing it.
Until one day I realised I was lesbian. ,Well it wasn’t one day,and then the day after that I realised I was gender fluid(just kidding it wasn’t until about 4 years later). I knew I was queer since about 6 years old. I was just in denial about being gay due to my religion. But I realised I couldn’t fathom showing my body to a cis man. Not because I hated them but I didn’t have the interest to. I started to realise sex actually sounded pretty cool to me when it was done with a non cis man. And that excited me !
If I was to change the definition of these two words I’d say hyposexual is a disinterest in the act of sex and hypersexual is a disinterest of intimacy within in sex. Both perfectly ok !
That disinterest binds us as one, we are more alike then we think. Don’t let people online sway you, telling you are the weird one hyposexual and hypersexual. There’s nothing wrong with you. To my fellow hyposexuals don’t get sucked into purity culture it’s not worth it. Love your bodies there’s nothing wrong with it !
my post today was literally about feeling shame and feeling unlovable (because others made feel that way) and that tainting my relationship to sex. i’m glad i found you and your vulnerability. i haven’t seen enough people talking about a lack of sexual desire, in a very sexy world
after reposting something on instagram about enduring trauma that leads people to be hypersexual and asexual, this was a very safe space to come hear another pov. i needed this.
now i just want me and everyone else who’s experienced unconsensual encounters to heal day by day